To be rid of my recreational & pharmaceutical long term habits as I like them & don’t know what to do without them, even though I believe in Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ, it’s hard to contact like just out of my reach & I need him to take it away from me… I can’t do it myself & my depression childhood trauma etc… oppression keeps me from praying & reading my Bible as I always think I will do it tomorrow! I need to keep the 10 commandments & I don’t feel the loving connection although I have felt that warm inner hug & that’s how come I know he exists & that’s faith! I’m always learning on YouTube but I hate living this life & hope I go to sleep & not wake up to groundhog Day. There are no churches where I live & not do I have a community the as it’s a very small town & I don’t have transport or even want to go anywhere if I did? I want to do the right thing Soo badly but I’m alone, know a couple of neighbours a little bit but that’s it & loneliness makes me want to be high more & ppl interaction make’s me want to get high just to tolerate conversation & company for any extended time & I can’t do this alone!! I’m alone tho!! I really wish I’d never had to have meds for my Crohn’s Disease & got hooked on Meth & cigarettes & pot occasionally.. lucky I guess I don’t drink & I have a mate I get high with but he wants to put porn on constantly & engage in sexual acts mostly & he’s my contact so I don’t want to let him down or upset my source as he’s actually a really nice guy too!! I want to be straight & happy & normal & feel times running out!! Please help me? I’ve realised that I can’t just sit in these 4walls isolated & not want to be high as cabin fever & sometimes I don’t shower for a week… Just getting in the shower I need to be high & cigarettes are going to be a really hard habit as smoked 40years! I live in South Australia
